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Things You Might Never Ponder

1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She
thought she was God and I didnít.

2. I donít suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4. Some people are alive only because itís illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Donít take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7. Youíre just jealous because the voices only talk to me

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. Iím not a complete idiot ó Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning
medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being ďover the hillĒ is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
 

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