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Thing’s a man shouldn’t say to a woman during sex

“Oops! It seems to have come off.”
“If you come quick, I can catch the game on TV.”
“You look just like your mother.”
“You’re better than your mother.”
“Did you remember to lock the back door?”
“And to think, I was really trying to pick up your friend!”
“You carry on, but do you mind if I finish this book?”
“What’s for dinner tomorrow?”
“I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs.”
“It’s my mobile! I must answer it.”
“I can see right up your nose.”
“Oh, by the way, the cat got run over this afternoon.”
“That boil on your chin looks nasty.”
“Did I tell you my aunt Agatha died in this bed?”
“Linda used to do that.”
“Do you accept Visa?”
“It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate.”
“I keep having fantasies about Barbara Bush,”
“Did I mention the video camera?”
“Hurry up -this room rents by the hour.”
“Sorry about that -must be the baked beans.”
“This would be fun with a few more people.”
“Try not to leave any stains, OK?”
“I’ve just thought of the answer to 3 down. I won’t be a second.”
“Shall! do my impression of Officer Dibble?”
“Do you know the definition of statutory rape?”
“Keep it down. My mother is a light sleeper,”
“I see that mad axeman’s still on the loose.”
“Is that it? Can I go now?”


Things a girl shouldn’t say to a man during sex:


“And yet your feet are so big!”
“Don’t worry, we’ll work around it.”
“I guess this makes me the early bird.”
“Try not to smear my make-up.”
“At least this won’t take long.”
“I want a baby.”
“Do you know the ceiling needs painting?”
“Maybe we should call Dr Ruth.”
“Is that blood on the headboard?”
“Did I remember to take my pill?”
“It’s just a rash.”
“Sorry about the name tags, but I’m not very good with names.”
“Does it come with an air pump?”
“But it still works, right?”
“Why don’t we skip right to the cigarettes?”
“But everybody looks funny naked.”
“Do you smell something burning?”
“On second thoughts, let’s turn off the lights.”
“You must be cold.”
“Don’t mind me. I always file my nails in bed,”
“Maybe if we water it, it’ll grow.”
“Maybe it looks better in natural light,”
“Maybe you’re just out of practice.”
“When is this supposed to feel good?”
“It’s a good thing you’re rich.”
 

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