A foreigner asks an Indian about India.
Q. You’re from India, aren’t you? I have read so much about the country. All the wonderful places, the forests, the snake charmers, the elephants. Do you still use elephants for transportation?
A. Absolutely. In fact we used to have our own elephant. But later to save air, we started elephant-pooling with our neighbors, You see elephants have an “emissions” problem…..
Q. Does India have cars?
A. No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage elephant-pooling schemes.
Q. Does India have TV?
A. No. We only have cable.
Q. Are all Indians vegetarian?
A. Yes. Even the tigers are vegetarian in India.
Q. How come you speak English so well?
A. You see when the British ruled India, they employed Indians as servants. Since it took too long for the Indians to learn English, the British isolated an “English-language” gene and implanted it into their servants’ babies and since then all babies born in India speak perfect English.
Q. Are you a Hindi?
A. Yes. I am spoken everyday in Northern India.
Q. Do you speak Hindu?
A. Yes, I also speak Jewish, Islam and Christianity.
Q. Is it true that everyone there is very corrupt?
A. Yes, in fact, I had to bribe my parents so that they would let me go to school.
Q. India is very hot, isn’t it?
A. It is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in India.
Q. Are there any business companies in India?
A. No. All Indians live on the Gandhian principles of self-sufficiency. All of us make our own clothes and grow our own food. That is why you see all these skinny Indians.
Q. Indians cannot eat beef, huh?
A. Cows provide milk which is a very essential part of Indian diet. Therefore, eating cows is forbidden. However in order to decrease the population of the country, the government is trying to encourage everyone to eat human meat.
Q. India is such a religious place. Do you meditate regularly?
A. Yes, sometimes I meditate for weeks without food and drink. But it is difficult to keep my job, because I have to miss work when I meditate like that. But the bosses there do the same thing. That is why things are so inefficient there.
Q. I saw on TV that people there walk on burning coals. Why do they do that?
A. We don’t have shoes. So we burn the bottom of our feet to harden it so that we can walk.
Q. Why do you sometimes wear Indian clothes to work?
A. I prefer that to coming to work naked.
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